Some people call it "first love" but I find it so difficult to use the word "love" because it has no role in my life.
Precious is my name. A name that doesn't add value to my life, a name that stings, hurts, and has no meaning. I grew up in a very strict parental environment. Life was fair because I was privileged to be born with a silver spoon. As the only daughter, my parents protected my interests and ensured everything was within my reach. The only thing I lacked was freedom. I wasn't allowed to make friends, visit friends, or be visited. I had two brothers. The preference given to them varied depending on whether they were making friends, visiting friends, or being visited. When I was admitted to the University was when I had the liberty to interact with people.
I met Tony my first date in my first level of school. When we met, he was already at his final level. Tony was handsome and brilliant. He was a fan of girls on campus, but he did his best to avoid them. He knew my strict background, so he only checked on me during my school hours.
One day, as I went to lectures, I saw Tony with a desperate face in the extreme hall waiting for my arrival. I approached him to know the reason for his mood. He said, "are you asking me? How can I be happy when the only woman I love and cherish can't reciprocate? I have a few weeks left before my graduation, yet I can't have a good time to discuss the future with my woman. Have you forgotten that I'm moving to Germany after my graduation?" "Hey! Your tone is getting louder, don't draw a scene. How many times have I told you to wait patiently for me to graduate as well? I'm still a virgin so take it easy on me," I ranted back at him. "How am I sure you'll wait for me? Honey, I love you. I don't want to miss you," he said. "Listen, you're mine and I'm waiting for you," I told him. He looked at me so speechlessly, then he took my hand and we walked to a secluded place and sat under a tree. He kept staring at me with his hands holding mine. Finally, he said, "Honey, can you look me in the eye and tell me that you love me?" As I tried to look at him, I felt something strange in me. My heartbeat increased rapidly and I started breathing louder. The more I tried to speak, the more I couldn't. Then I felt something on my lips. He planted a kiss on me, and I couldn't resist him. Before I knew it, he was kissing me like a hungry lion, and I gave in to him. The feeling was so strong that I held on to him. It was the student's footsteps that woke us up. We quickly disengaged and as soon as the students walk past, Tony jumped on me to pick up where we left off. I pushed him away and when I looked back at him, I saw something between his thighs that instilled fear of the unknown in me and forced me to work away. Tony ran after me with apologies. I promised my parents that I would maintain my virginity until graduation, now what was I up to? What would have happened if those students had not passed? I kept talking to myself.
A week before Tony's graduation, we met again as usual, and I was surprised to see him in tears. I stuck to him and assured him of my promise. He said, "Honey, I love you. I don't want to lose you. Please don't say no to that. In three days, my parents are flying in from Germany for my graduation party which is a week away. I even scheduled the party to convenience you during school hours, so you can sneak out to attend. I want to introduce you to my parents as I do tell them about you. You have values and qualities that every man wants in a woman, so please don't say no to my invitation as we'll have enough to talk about. I had no excuses so I told him to expect me. A promise I still regret.
On the eve of his graduation party, I ordered a new designer gown and made a new hairstyle. I wanted to look my best. The gown blended with my slim body. Lest I forget, I have an ebony complexion, tall, and have a glamorous face. My beauty compelled students in school to talk me into participating in a beauty pageant, but my strict background limited me. Finally, Tony's day arrived. I wore the gown I ordered, and as I was set to leave for school, I felt so elated when my mum teased me, "My queen, you're glowing. It looks like you're in good spirits," "Yes mum, you know I'm moving to my second level, so I need to shine," I told her. "That's my queen," my mum said, coming over and whispering in my ear "keep protecting your virginity," "of course mum," I said, giving her a peck and rushing to meet my driver who was waiting patiently for me. As I sat in the car, my mum's last word kept reminiscing "keep protecting your virginity" nope! I can't disappoint my parents. No, I have to put Tony in his place today and warn him that what transpired between us under the tree should never repeat itself. I talked to myself.
As I alighted from the car, I sighted Tony who had already come to pick me to his house. Immediately after my driver left, I joined Tony in his car and we sped off. "Wow! You're an angel," Tony complimented me, as he kept admiring me in his car. We were soon at his home, a cozy estate. We drove into the compound and everywhere was packed with people. We alighted from the car and walked in. There was music in the air, drinks, and food everywhere. He held my arms and showed me around, introduced me to his friends, relatives, and neighbors, and finally took me to his parents. I was quite impressed by his parent's wonderful hospitality. They talked at length with me, their warm reception endeared their son more to me, as I saw a family in them.
Later, Tony came over and excused me from his parents, he told me we needed to talk. He led me to his well-furnished room. I pulled up a chair next to his reading table and sat down. He sat on his bed, and before he could say a word, I cautioned him that if truly he loves me that what transpired the other time should never repeat itself. He pleaded over it and promised that it won't happen again. He went further to disclose his concerns, he talked about a lot of issues concerning our future, and that he wants to respect my decision and come after my graduation to ask for my hand in marriage, but he insisted we zeal the promise with an oath to erase his fears. He took out a razor he must have hidden under his pillow. I was naive and happily accepted it as I felt it will settle everything, He gave me a clean and light cut on my finger, and did the same with his, blood came out, and we performed some rituals as he directed me. We were feeling so elated after all. He grabbed a bottle of wine from the refrigerator next to his nightstand. Opened it, and made a toast with the soft drink in my hand. We celebrated and started dancing to the soft music on the other end. I noticed that the atmosphere changed when Celine Dion's song was played, and it was one of my favorite tracks. We held hands and danced slowly to it. As we danced, Tony kept arranging my hair and whispering in my ear how blessed he was to have me in his life. I felt so flattered and enjoyed his compliments. Did I mention that Tony has a charming personality? Tony"s looks are irresistible! I can remember he attempted to kiss me but swiftly withdrew as he remembered the promise he made. How it happened, I can't recollect but in a flash, I saw myself in bed with him. We were busy smooching each other. I felt as if I was in another world. I came back to my senses when he undressed. I screamed and said no at the sight of what I saw. Remembering the promise I made to my parents, I hastily stood up and picked up my bag, while Tony was naked on his knees begging me to accept him. I rushed and sped to the door, but before I could open it, Tony had already grabbed me, he dragged and pulled me back, then pushed me to the bed. Tony changed! He was no longer the Tony I knew. I fought and struggled against him, but it ended in vain as he pinned me and overpowered me. Next was excruciating pain. The pain I can't even wish for my enemies. I cried and screamed for help, but no one could hear due to the loud music on the other end.
For the next 10 minutes, I sat on the floor with blood stains on my thighs crying, I Knew I lost my virginity. I failed my parents, I let them down. I equally let myself down. Tony knelt and cried, pleading for forgiveness that it wasn't on purpose. I got up, cleaned up, and went to school to wait for my driver to arrive.
At home, I couldn't look my parents in the eye. I felt guilty for disappointing them. Tony tried to call but I declined his calls and had to switch contacts to end the connection with him. One day, he showed up in my class, I created a scene and threatened to report him to the school authority if he doesn't leave or visit again. He ran away in fear. A month later, I was able to focus on my life and studies.
Two years later, tragedy struck. My world crumbled before my eyes. One fateful day, my parents and two brothers went for a social function. I ought to have joined them, but the exams ahead of me limited me. They had a terrible accident that blew up the car. They were stuck in the car and burnt beyond recognition. My joy was gone. My hope in life was gone, I was left alone in the world. My life became so miserable. Before my family's funeral, I saw myself at my uncle's house. His wife made life worse and more miserable. I thought they chose me primarily to comfort me, but I realized later at the funeral that my uncle I stayed with and some other relatives collaborated and sold my father's properties, not even one was left out for me. I had no voice, nobody to cry to, nobody to fight for me, I accepted my fate with pain.
On the day of their funeral, I cried and wished I had gone with them. There was no one to comfort me. Like in a trance, I saw a known figure approaching me. Behold it was Tony! He came over, took out his handkerchief, and wiped my tears. He told me he flew into the Country last night to get hold of a property, only to hear of the sad news from an old neighbor. Tony was the only good soul I saw, I saw a Saviour in him. I felt life in me.
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HEARTBREAK